Grief and Running

This morning early we discovered the loss of four of our five parakeets. They lived in an outdoor aviary. There is no entry point, so whatever got them was very wily. This is a sad day for our family. “Roberta” (who used to be Robert, until we discovered he was a she) was my oldest son's very first bird. She's been around more than 5 years. “Keet” was the first bird we saw grow from egg to adult. He joined us this last Christmas. My oldest son was spending the night a this cousin's house, so we have yet to break the news to him. He will be devastated.
As I stood at the aviary contemplating the whirlwind of thoughts and emotion, I knew I needed to run it out. I put on my running shoes and ran.
Pound, pound, pound...
As my feet pounded the road, I thought of my running buddy who lost her dog a few months ago, I thought of the women running who are grieving lost loved ones. I understood how running is something they have to do.
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of the day my son got the first bird and how we ended up with five birds. I said a prayer for my son who is really going to feel this loss. (wipe the tears away) He has been growing up so much lately. He's a true teenager now and I think this is going to be another door of boyhood closing.
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of how it was my idea to build the aviary becasue I couldn't stand to have all of those birds inside any longer. I wondered if my son will be angry with me as he grieves?
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of all of the other pets we have and how much we love them. If we never loved them, it wouldn't hurt so much to lose them. I thought of my dog, Jip, who I wish could live forever. (wipe more tears away)
Pound, pound, pound...
I ran slow and steadily struggling up the hills. I focused on getting to the top one step at a time, where I would feel like I had scaled Mount Everest. I thought about how we get through life one step at a time. It's a struggle some days, but we can make it. I know that because running has taught me that I am stronger than I think.
Pound, pound, pound...
I made it 3 miles in 30 minutes. The sadness of the day has tempered my excitement. Instead I feel grateful that I had this outlet for sorting through my grief. I feel a little more focused and able to face it. Instead of grief just being a heavy weight, I feel more like it is a part of this journey called life.

10, 9, 9 and The Religion of Running

That was our running times for the day. I dragged myself out of bed, feeling nothing like running, but knowing I need to stick to my training. After a good stretching routine I felt a little more ready to hit the road. Once on the road, I was so relaxed. The first run was so easy we decided to go for 10 minutes. At the end of the ten minutes, we knew it was time to walk. The next two cycles we stuck with 9 minutes. They were both mostly uphill and I think 9 minutes uphill should count for 11 minuted downhill, don't you?
Today, I really enjoyed stretching before and after running. I was able to breathe deeply. Deep stretching is very relaxing. It is almost meditative. In fact running has become easier in some ways, so that I can actually be calm and think during runs now. Today I was noticing how tall and straight some of the trees were. God caused those trees to stand that way in spite of storms winds, lightning, hail and snow. I prayed that he would do the same for me. Monday when I ran I focused on the clouds above instead of the long last hill we run. I kept repeating to myself, "To you, O Lord, I lift up my eyes." Getting my eyes off of that hill and focused on God's creation gave me the strength I needed to finish.
Now if I can just take these lessons out of running and place them in real life context...

The Day After

Now that the glow of finishing my first 5K has softened a little, I have some more thoughts on the race.
First of all, how do you drink a paper cup of cold water while you are running? There must be a trick to that. In fact, I think there is an art to getting the cup in the first place. I managed to time my grab just right and then jogged on a few steps figuring out how to drink it. After I choked on a gulp that went down the wrong pipe, I threw my cup in the pile. Which was another thing that bothered me. I littered! It went against my grain to throw that cup in the road, but I did it. I am sure someone comes along and cleans all of those cups up, right? Next time, I am just going to pour the water on my head.
Second of all, for those who were actually racing ( that means those who had a hope of winning it), can they cut corners? I mean a sidewalk corner cut could mean a difference of a few seconds and a win. A bush hurdle could be what puts someone in the lead.
Last thought: If Bea was my running coach, I would probably win a 5K one day! This coach was amazing!! She pushed those she was around just a little, not too much. But we all got out of our comfort zones. She gave good running advice while we were running and most importantly, she made the race a points game. Sort of like a video game. She said each person you pass counts for 1 point and each person that passes you takes off 5 of your points. She got me there. I tried not to think of it that way, but I couldn't help it. In the end, I am not sure I gained a lot of points, bit I sure tried hard not to lose any!!
The race was fun and not too hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I had to work for it and it was a challenge. I am proud of myself, too. But I am even more proud of those I saw come after me. I heard them struggling through the runs and saw them pushing as hard as they could to get to that finish line. For some of the people running this was an accomplishment they NEVER thought they could do. I am SO SO proud of them!!! I want to be like the grandmothers I saw running yesterday, never giving up!

Running on Empty

Six weeks ago I started running with a local running group. I had gained a little weight lately and been less active, so I thought this would be a great way to get back in shape. The group has coaches who are trained to work with beginners. I was starting from ground zero, so I guess I qualified as a beginner! The idea is to gradually increase our run time, with as little injury as possible, until we can run for 30 minutes straight.
Week one was running for two minutes and walking for four minutes. I did this for thirty minutes. The first two minutes were tough. I was catching my breath and watching my watch pass the seconds. But it felt so great to get my heart rate up and the oxygen flowing through my cells. I was determined I was going to stick to this.
Week two moved to three minutes running and three minutes walking. I remember feeling very proud of that extra minute. Then week three moved to four minutes running and two minutes walking. I was on top of the world. I was feeling powerful and free. The depression that had been creepeing into my life was even improving.
Then I got a little cocky and went out on a very strenuous ten mile hike. The hike was wonderful, but my body was not ready for it. My knees suffered. I was in pain when I ran and in pain when I didn't run. I decided to use RICE (rest, ice compression and elevation). It helped but the pain was still there. I began to get discouraged. I wondered if I would ever be able to catch up to the running plan. This runing thing had become so important to me and I didn't even realize it until I couldn't do it. In an attempt to not give up I went out after a week and decided to run again. It felt great to be running. I felt the strength was still there, but my knees were tense. I pushed on through and finished my run. The next day I had a foot cramp that lasted all day. I could not put any weight on that foot.
That almost became the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I gave up for a little bit. Maybe I wasn't cut out to run after all. I didn't run for a week and a half. I became depressed at the thought of losing the ground I had gained. I became depressed at the thought of becoming more depressed without running to help me. I was about to give up when my mother-in-law convinced me that I needed to try new shoes first. So we went to the running shoe store and had the expert fit me for running shoes. It worked! I dragged myself out of bed last Saturday morning to go to the group meet. I figured if I still had pain I would just walk. I set my goal at running 5 minutes, walking two. I figured that would be pushing it, but I couldn't bear to begin again. I ran the five minutes easily and without pain!!
In fact, Monday morning I increased my run to seven minutes and did great! I am so excited! I am glad I was surrounded by people who would not let me give up. Tomorrow I run in my very first 5K run. I can't wait!!! I'll let you know how it goes and keep you updated on the ups and downs of running.
I hope to update this weekly at the very least to get the real time issues of running across to my readers. That will also keep my posts a lot shorter!