Grief and Running

This morning early we discovered the loss of four of our five parakeets. They lived in an outdoor aviary. There is no entry point, so whatever got them was very wily. This is a sad day for our family. “Roberta” (who used to be Robert, until we discovered he was a she) was my oldest son's very first bird. She's been around more than 5 years. “Keet” was the first bird we saw grow from egg to adult. He joined us this last Christmas. My oldest son was spending the night a this cousin's house, so we have yet to break the news to him. He will be devastated.
As I stood at the aviary contemplating the whirlwind of thoughts and emotion, I knew I needed to run it out. I put on my running shoes and ran.
Pound, pound, pound...
As my feet pounded the road, I thought of my running buddy who lost her dog a few months ago, I thought of the women running who are grieving lost loved ones. I understood how running is something they have to do.
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of the day my son got the first bird and how we ended up with five birds. I said a prayer for my son who is really going to feel this loss. (wipe the tears away) He has been growing up so much lately. He's a true teenager now and I think this is going to be another door of boyhood closing.
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of how it was my idea to build the aviary becasue I couldn't stand to have all of those birds inside any longer. I wondered if my son will be angry with me as he grieves?
Pound, pound, pound...
I thought of all of the other pets we have and how much we love them. If we never loved them, it wouldn't hurt so much to lose them. I thought of my dog, Jip, who I wish could live forever. (wipe more tears away)
Pound, pound, pound...
I ran slow and steadily struggling up the hills. I focused on getting to the top one step at a time, where I would feel like I had scaled Mount Everest. I thought about how we get through life one step at a time. It's a struggle some days, but we can make it. I know that because running has taught me that I am stronger than I think.
Pound, pound, pound...
I made it 3 miles in 30 minutes. The sadness of the day has tempered my excitement. Instead I feel grateful that I had this outlet for sorting through my grief. I feel a little more focused and able to face it. Instead of grief just being a heavy weight, I feel more like it is a part of this journey called life.